Chapter Six - What Tidings Ye Bring

Irv’s Lounge, 10:45 p.m.

Martin admired Kate’s willingness to listen in regards to what he was telling her.  She seemed empathetic, and wanted to hear more.  He was calmed by her demeanor, while she sat quietly listening, and un-interrupting.  He felt as though he could spill his entire life story to her, and she would listen intently for as long as it took.      

 “So your mother ended up Chicago?”  She asked.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What about Jeni’s parent’s?  What happened to them?”

“They died in a car accident when she was younger.”  Martin said. 

He sipped his beer and debated where to begin next, when he looked down in front of her and noticed she wasn’t drinking or eating anything. 

“Can I get you a drink or something?”  He asked.

“No, I’m fine thank you.”  She said smiling. 

“Aw, c’mon, I’ll buy you a beer…Hey Matty!?”  He said, looking over her shoulder. 

Matty was wiping down the bar and putting away his newly washed glasses.  He looked up at me upon hearing his name.

“How about a beer for my friend Kate here?”  Martin shouted to him.

“Really, I’m fine, thanks.”  Kate said.

“Marty, I think you’ve had enough!”  Matty shouted back. 

Martin found his response cryptic, or unwarranted.  But Matty went back to wiping just the same.  Martin felt puzzled by this, but his mind was redirected immediately.

“So, where were we?”  Asked Kate.

I figured it best to try and return to work in the following days after Jeni’s funeral.  Keeping my mind occupied on other things helped me to deal with the loss.  People continued to look at me different.  Word gets around fast in a small town, unfortunately.  Even at work, when I’d come in for the morning’s routine, the staff at the department would place these weak, fragile looks upon me, but keep their comments and condolences to themselves.  Lara would call me almost daily to see how things were going.  We wouldn’t talk about Jeni or even my thoughts on the situation.  Her efforts toward putting a sense of normalcy back into my life were never deterred.  I always admired her for that.  She’d ask about things in the department or what cases Sam and I were working on, and we had dinner together every couple days too. 

It had been two weeks since Jeni’s funeral.  Even though I tried involving myself in cases from the department, my thoughts dwelled on her and the reasons for her death.  I hadn’t heard from my father at all since that day at the cemetery.  Had he gone to my mother’s funeral?  I didn’t know, and a part of me didn’t care. 

I was finishing up some paperwork that morning when Sam ran up to my desk in a rush.

“Marty!  There’s someone here claiming to be James Darren’s mother.  She’s in the lobby.  She’s asking for you.”  He said.

“Put her in a room, I’ll be there in sec.”  I said.

Sam left my desk and walked back toward the lobby.  I joined him outside the interrogation room a few minutes later.  We both looked at her from behind the mirrored glass, wondering if whether or not she came here to file charges or to give us new information.  She was an older lady, probably mid to late sixties in age.  She wore a tan coat with a thin scarf underneath.  Her gray hair was pulled back in a small pony tail.  I decided it was time to enter the room, while Sam stood back and watched from behind the glass.

“Mrs. Darren?”  I said, walking in.

“Yes?” 

“I’m detective Winter, how do you do?”  I asked.

“I’m fine, thank you.”  She said.

“Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”  I said, sitting down.

“No, not at all.”  She replied. 

 “When was the last time you heard from your son, James?” 

“I spoke with him a month or so ago.  He had called to see how I was doing.”

“Can you describe your relationship with him?  Were you guys close?”  I asked.

“No, not at all.”  She said, chuckling.  “Jimmy and I have been worlds apart for many years.  Things got even worse when he was arrested for raping that girl.”

“Yeah, I remember, there wasn’t enough evidence to convict and the case was thrown out of court.”  I said.

“He claimed the incident was consensual, but I didn’t believe him.  No one did.”  She said.  “And I’m very sorry for the loss of your wife, detective.  That must have been horrible.  It’s strange that after what he went through all those years ago, he would do it again.” 

“Happens all the time.”  I said.

“It’s a good thing you got there when you did.  Jimmy might have been my son, but I don’t blame you for what you did.  As far as I’m concerned he got what was coming to him.”  She said.

I was surprised by her remarks.  I sat across the table before the mother of a son I’d killed, yet she showed no visible anger toward me.  She was practically thankful. 

“Did James ever mention anything about a woman named Jeniveve Winter that you can remember?”  I asked. 

“No.”  She said shaking her head. 

“What about a man named Dayton?”  I said.

“Nope.”  She shook her head again.  “Listen Detective, there is a reason why I came here today, but it wasn’t to talk about Jimmy.”  She said.

“Okay…”

“Two days ago, I went to the bank in the morning, like I always do to take out some money.  When the teller gave me my receipt, my bank account was a little off.” 

“How so?”  I asked.

“The receipt said I had a hundred and two thousand dollars in there!”  She said.

“And I’m guessing you don’t-“

“Heavens no!  Where the hell would an old lady like me get that kind of money!?” 

“Maybe the bank made a mistake.”  I said.

“It’s no mistake, detective.  The bank claimed an anonymous deposit was made the day before into my account.  According to them, I have a hundred and two thousand dollars!” 

“Mrs. Darren, can you tell me how much the deposit was for?” 

“One hundred thousand even.”  She said. 

“Could you provide me with a bank statement?”

“Sure.  I brought it with me.” 

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, and handed it to me.  I read over each line amount on the document, and what she had said was true.

“Has this kind of thing ever happened to you before?”  I asked, already knowing the answer.

“I wish!”  She said, laughing. 

“Tell you what, I’ll talk to the bank and see if we can find out who made the deposit.  For right now, I’m going to have to ask you not to make any withdrawals from your accounts for a little while.  Is there a phone number where I can reach you at?”

“Of course.” 

She wrote down her number on the bank statement in front of me.

“I’ll be in touch as soon as I know more.”  I said, standing up.  Sam opened the door to the room slowly.

“Thank you, detective.  And again, I’m very sorry for your loss.”  She said, walking out.  

“Thank you, Mrs. Darren.”  I said.

         “So, her kid dies a few weeks ago, and someone deposits a hundred grand into her account?”  Sam asked.

         “So it would seem.”  I said, looking down at the statement. 

         “What do you want to do?”

         “Let’s check out the bank.  Maybe we can get something off of their cameras.”

         We pulled up to Lloyd’s Commerce Bank a short time later.  I had remembered walking in the place not so long ago in search of the safety deposit box.  Sam and I walked up to the bank teller window and politely asked to speak to a manager.  A few moments later, a very large man approached us.

         “Hello.  I’m Ray Miller.  How can I help you?”  He said.

He was shorter than I was, but much heavier.  He wore a suit that looked a size too small and had a small mustache hidden beneath his nose. 

         “I’m detective Winter, and this is detective Mitros.  We’re interested in a deposit that was made a few days ago into one of your member’s accounts.”  I said.

         “Come into my office.”  He said, leading the way down the hallway. 

         We followed him down to the end of the hallway and walked into his office.  It was incredibly disorganized with papers and legal documents in stacks all over his desk. 

         “Have a seat.”  He said, sitting down behind his desk.

         “Who’s account is in question?”  He asked.

         I looked down at the statement in front of me.

         “The member’s name is Olivia Darren.  Account number 5868136.”  I said.

         “Ah, Ms. Darren.  Charming old lady eh?”  He said, punching the numbers into his computer.

         “What is it that you need to know?”  He asked.

         “According to my paperwork, there was a deposit made a few days ago for a hundred thousand dollars.  We’d like to known the source.” 

“Let’s see here…”  He said, reading his computer screen.  “Yep…you are correct.  The deposit was made by…uh…it was anonymous.” 

“We know that, we were wondering if you could trace the source.  It’s a police matter.”  Sam said.

         “I’m sorry detectives.  I’ll do what I can, but when someone wishes their deposit to be anonymous, we have to respect that.”  Ray said.

         “We understand.  But is there any way to tell where the money cleared from?”  I asked.

         “I can tell you it was a cashier’s check for the exact amount.  Anything beyond that would require a call to headquarters.”  He said.

         “Can you look into it for us, and let us know if you find anything?”  I asked, handing him my business card.

         “Certainly detectives.” 

         “We’d like to look at your security tapes from two days ago as well.”  Sam said. 

         “Sure, follow me.”  Ray said.

         He led us down another hallway, through a locked door and then into a room filled with monitors. 

         “We keep the data tapes in here filed by date.”

         He unlocked another room that was adjacent to the monitor room that appeared to be a giant storage room, filled with shelves and thousands of data tapes. 

         “Just find the one you need, insert it there and your video will play on the monitors above.”  He said pointing to the control system. 

         “Thanks.”  I said.

         Sam and I searched through the data tapes until we found the one we needed.  I grabbed it and put it into the playback device and hit play. 

“What’s the time-stamp on the deposit into her account?”  Sam said.

         “11:17 a.m.”  I said. 

Sam hit fast-forward on the machine until that time became near.  He stopped it at 11:15 and we both sat back and watched.  At this instance, there were five men inside the bank.  Two of them were at the two tellers and the other three were waiting in line.  We watched in anticipation of recognizing one of them.  They were all roughly the same height, wearing similar clothing.  It was difficult to decipher an identity from the black and white video.  I turned to Ray who was still standing behind us.

         “Do you have a camera angle from behind the teller stations?”  I asked.

         “Normally we do.  But in the last week, that one broke and hasn’t been replaced yet.”  He replied.

         This particular camera angle was much too far away to determine an exact match to an identity.  All we could tell was that there five men that approached and used the teller stations at that time, all Caucasian. 

“Do you mind if we take this tape with us for further analysis?”  Sam asked.

“No, not at all.”  Ray said.

“Thank you, we’ll return it as soon as we’re finished with it.”  I said, shaking Ray’s hand. 

“No problem.  Take all the time you need.”  He said. 

         Sam and I walked out of the bank and got back into our car.

         “Marty, if Raines finds out we’re doing this, he’s gonna have our ass man.”  Sam said.

         “That’s why I’m going to tell him.”  I said, smiling.

         “You’re going to what?!”  Sam said.

         “Look, if this deposit was made by the person who orchestrated Jeni’s murder, that’s enough to re-open the investigation.”  I said.

         “I don’t know.  It seems like a stretch to me.”  Sam said, starting the car.

         “Think about it Sam.  Suppose our boy Darren was supposed to make it out of my house alive that night.  Someone could’ve offered him the hundred grand for the murder.  I take him down, and the money goes to his mother instead.”  I said.

         “Okay, I’ll humor you.  Say someone did contract Darren for the murder.  His contract was fulfilled, but he gets dead in the process.  Why would they then pay the hundred grand to his mother?  It doesn’t make sense.”  Sam said.

         “Maybe it was out of sympathy for the loss of her son.”  I said.  I knew how that sounded.  I was reaching, but deep down, I knew I was right.

         “Like I said man, that’s a stretch.”  Sam said.

         As much as I didn’t want to admit it, he was right.  I wanted Jeni’s case re-opened, and I was grasping at straws to get it there.  I needed more evidence to convince Raines that it was necessary. 

That night Lara was coming over for dinner.  I had come to enjoy her company and her friendship.  Sometimes she would help me prepare the meal, other times I would have it done before she arrived.  I had the table set and the chicken only had a few more minutes to go in the oven, when the doorbell rang.

         “Hi there.”  I said.  “C’mon in.” 

         “Thanks.”  She said, smiling.

         I took her coat and hung it in the closet in the foyer. 

         “Smells good in here!”  She said, rubbing her hands together.

         “On the menu tonight…roasted garlic chicken and red potatoes.”  I said, walking back to the kitchen.

         “Care for a drink?”  I asked.

         “Sure.”

         I poured her a glass of wine and she sat down at the table, while I went to the oven to pull out the chicken. 

         “So, Martin, I know you probably don’t want to talk about this, but I was wondering what your plans are for Christmas.”  She asked, politely.

         I’d almost forgotten.  Christmas.  The idea of the holiday made my stomach sink.  I hesitated for a moment, staring at the steaming chicken on the stovetop. 

         “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

         “No, no.  It’s okay.  I just hadn’t thought about it at all.  This will be my first Christmas without-“  I stopped.  I couldn’t finish the sentence. 

         “I know.  I thought that if you weren’t busy, you could come over.  I could make a nice dinner and we could just hang out.”  She said.  Her voice had taken on a different, newer, polite tone that I wasn’t used to.  “You shouldn’t spend it alone.”  She finished.

         “I could buy a dog.”  I said, smiling to her.  “I’ve always wanted a dog.” 

         “Yes, you could.”  She said laughing.  “But I doubt that it could cook like I do.”

“That’s very nice.  Really.  I don’t know.  I just hadn’t really thought about it.”  I said.  And that was the truth.  But the idea of spending Christmas day alone in my house scared the hell out of me. 

         “I wouldn’t want to impose on you though.  I’m sure you’ve got family who wants to see you, right?”  I asked.

         “I have family, yes.  But they’re in Colorado this year visiting my sister.  Every year we flip-flop.  Sometimes I fly there to meet them, but this year I just couldn’t afford it.”  She said.   

         “I see.”  I said, walking up to the table.  I placed the chicken platter down in front of us and I sat down.

         “You’re welcome to come.”  She said.

         “Thanks Lara.  I think I will.”  I said, smiling.  “Now, let’s dig in.”

         We ate our food and made fun, light conversation.  She told me more stories of her time in Afghanistan and other things about her life.  She worked as graphic artist out of her home.  She lived off of her commissions and other earnings she’d take in from her business.  Lara was very independent and enjoyed the quieter, more subtle details of life in general.  She told me it was one of the reasons she moved up here in the first place.  She loved the peaceful tranquility that the upper lands of Michigan had to offer.

         “We had an interesting development today at work.”  I said.  Never before had I wanted to let her in on the details that clouded my mind regarding my wife’s death.  But I thought it was time to do so, and maybe doing so would give me a different perspective on things.

         “How so?”  She said.

         “Well, the man I killed, James Darren…his mother came into the station this morning.” 

         “That couldn’t have been good.”  She said.

         “It was quite the opposite actually.  She didn’t blame me for what I did.  Apparently, she was well aware of her son’s destructive nature long before he attacked Jeni.” 

         “Wow.”  She said.

         “Yeah, I was surprised too.  It made me feel a little better about the whole thing.  But it gets better.  Two days ago, someone deposited a hundred grand into her bank account.  And that’s why she came down to the station.”

         “I’m assuming it wasn’t the bank’s mistake?”  She asked. 

         “No.  The deposit was legit.  But it came from an anonymous source by cashier’s check.  Sam and I went to the bank today to find all this out.  We have forensics trying to capture better images off their security tapes, and the manager is trying to trace the source of the check, but so far we’ve got nothing.”  I said.

         “What does this mean?”  She asked.

         “If my theory is right, I believe someone contracted Darren to pull off the murder.  When he died inadvertently, the money went to his only surviving family, his mother.” 

         “That’s deep.”  She said, raising her eyebrows. 

         “Do you think it’s possible?”  I asked her.

         “Well, it’s not impossible.  I’m struggling with the fact of why they would make a deposit into his mother’s account, having essentially been successful in the first place, if you don’t mind me saying.”  She said.

         “I understand.  But what if they didn’t anticipate on Darren getting killed?  It could’ve generated sympathy with who ever it was having caused Mrs. Darren the loss of her only son.”

         “I don’t know, Martin.”  She said.

         Just then, I had a newer, scarier thought.  I jumped up from my seat and began to pace the kitchen.

         “Oh man.”  I said, continuing my pace.

         “Generated sympathy.”  I mumbled to myself. 

         “What do you mean?  What are you thinking?”  Lara asked.

“Mrs. Darren said that James called her a month or so ago, and that their relationship was rocky, or non-existent.”

         “Okay, so?”

         “So, if you’re at odds with someone, especially your family, would you call them out of the blue?  Just to see how they’re doing?”

         “I doubt it, unless I had a good reason.”  Lara said.

         “Exactly!”  I said, stopping in front of her.

         “What are you saying, Martin?” 

         “Hang on a second.”  I said.

         I walked over to the counter where Mrs. Darren’s bank statement was.  I remembered I wrote her phone number down on it.  I grabbed the cordless phone nearby and dialed her number. 

         “Hello?”  She said.  I recognized her voice immediately.

         “Hi, Mrs. Darren.  This is detective Winter calling.  Sorry to bother you so late.”

         “Oh, hi there.  No problem.  Did you find out who deposited that money yet?”

         “We’re working on that, I promise.  I actually called to ask you a little more about your son.”

         “Okay.”  She said.

         “You said earlier today that he called you a month or so ago to see how you were, is that right?” 

         “Yes.”

         “Did he seem agitated, or nervous to you in any way?”

         “Now that you mention it, he did, yes.  I asked him about it, but he said it was nothing.  I was actually very surprised he called me.  He just kept asking me questions about how I was and what I had been doing.  He even asked me what I normally did every day.  Before that, I couldn’t remember the last time I spoke with him.  It was very weird.”  She said.

         “Thank you, Mrs. Darren.  That’s all I needed for now.  And I’ll be in touch.”

         “Okay.”

         I placed the phone down on the counter, and looked back to Lara who had this in need of an answer look painted on her face. 

         “Someone threatened her life to Darren.”  I said. 

Coming up next:  Chapter Seven - War Rooms 

Chapter Five - Aftershock

             The next few days went by slower and without much incident.  I had returned home and was getting around pretty well.  Sam and Lara both helped with the arrangements surrounding Jeniveve’s funeral, which was scheduled for later that day.  The whole idea behind the arrangements seemed utterly surreal to me.  I found myself pushing away the sorrow by focusing on needless details and facets of the ceremony.  I knew that if I kept busy enough, I wouldn’t have the time to cry, or face the reality of the situation. 

         Sam and Lara were downstairs in the living room making light conversation.  I was upstairs in my bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror.  Even though I wore my best suit and tie, my appearance seemed different and jaded.  The reflection in the mirror was not of a man I knew a week prior.  This was what the reflection of a widower looked like.  I wasn’t sure if I could go through with the eulogy at her funeral.  But it was the right thing to do.  She deserved that much.  I had to push through. 

         I heard the doorbell ring a moment later, so I decided to go downstairs.  I opened the front door to find Mitchell Raines standing there.  He was dressed in a black suit with a blue tie.  I wasn’t sure why he had come to my house.  What bothered me more, was the look that drooped on his face when he saw me open the door. 

         “Mitchell.  I thought we were going to meet at the-“

         “Yeah.”  He interrupted, looking down at himself. 

         “I’ve got some news.”  He continued. 

         I looked down and in his hand was a holstered gun and badge.  I suspected it was mine. 

         “C’mon in.”  I said.

         I led him inside, down the hallway to the kitchen where Sam and Lara were.

         “Hey cap.”  Sam said.

         Mitchell gave a nod and then looked at Lara, while I stepped forth with the introduction.

         “Mitchell, this is Lara Matthews.  Lara, this is Captain Mitchell Raines from our department.”  I said.

         “Nice to meet you ma’am.”  He said.

         “You too Captain.”  Lara said, shaking his hand. 

         “She’s a marine.  You better watch your mouth or she’ll kick your ass.”  Sam said, with a mouth full of chips. 

         Mitchell chuckled lightly, afterwards turning to me.

         “Marty, can I talk to you for a second?” 

         “Sure.”  I said.

         We walked through the newly replaced patio door and onto the deck.  I closed the door behind us.

         “Marty, there’s no easy way to tell you this, but I thought you should know before the funeral.”  He said.

         “Okay?”  I said.

There was hesitation and sadness in his voice.  It wasn’t the usual over-bearing tone he had in the past. 

         “We got Jeniveve’s autopsy back this morning.”  He said.

         “And?”  I said.

         “They found conclusive evidence stating she died from her injuries inflicted by Darren that night.  I won’t get into the details surrounding that, other than that it was obvious she put up a hell of a fight.  She held out long enough for you to get there. 

         “Yeah.”  I said, looking down fighting back the tears once more. 

         “But there was something else.”  He said.

         I looked back up at him and his face had changed, just as mine had.  He wasn’t the same person I knew a week ago. 

         “She was pregnant.”  He said.

         The words felt like piercing knives into my stomach that began to twist.  My breath left me.  I fell to my knees and the tears won the fight upward.  I buried my face in my hands and began to sob uncontrollably.  I could hear Sam and Lara running for the patio door.  They came out quickly to see what had happened.  Sam knelt next to me trying to lift me from the deck. 

         “C’mon buddy, let’s get you inside.” 

         Mitchell and Lara soon followed.

         Sam sat me on the couch and then sat down next to me. 

         “What’s happened?”  She asked.

         Sam and Lara looked at Mitchell for the answer, but he didn’t give it in time.

         “She was…pregnant.”  I said, crying. 

         “Oh my God, I’m so sorry Martin.”  Lara said, sitting down next to me. 

         Sam was speechless.  I don’t think he knew what to say.  I didn’t either.

         “The doctors said she was four to five weeks along.  It’s possible she didn’t even know.  I’m sorry man.”  Mitchell said. 

         I nodded to him with my face still in my hands.  My breath slowly started to return.  I looked up slowly.  I could taste my tears.  My nose was running and my cheeks were soaked.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my life.  I didn’t think it was even possible to experience this level of sorrow. 

         Jeni and I weren’t actively trying for a baby.  We had talked about it from time to time, but never established a sort of time table for having a child.  Both of our jobs kept us busy, like anyone else.  I was constantly working late on the force, while she had clients coming and going.  I doubt she had known she was even pregnant.  That wasn’t the kind of information she would’ve kept hidden from me.

         Lara was rubbing my back, trying to bring me back to some sort of comfort level.  Sam sat next to me staring sympathetically, while Mitchell knelt down beside the coffee table in front of me. 

         “Marty, you can take as much time off as you need.  But, it’s time I returned these to you…Lieutenant.”

He laid the holstered gun and badge on the coffee table.  Sam and Lara both waited for a reaction from me.

         “What about her case?”  I asked, trying regain my composure.

         “What about it?”  He said.

         “I want it.”  I said.

         “It’s closed for now Marty.  Darren’s dead and we have no evidence that suggests anyone else was involved.” 

         “My father is…somehow.”  I said.

         “Dayton?”  Mitchell said, letting out a sarcastic chuckle.

         “No way.  What would ever make you say that?”  He asked.

         “Jeni told me.  Right before she died.”  I said.

         Mitchell sighed and looked down for a moment. 

         “Marty, Darren was a small-time crook who got in over his head.  The loser got what he deserved.  You’re going to be better off figuring out a way to move past all this.  You’re a good cop.  One of our best.  Don’t taint your reputation by going after your father.  He’s still very respected by the department.”

         “The harder they fall.”  I said, starting forward. 

         Mitchell stood up quickly. 

         “It’s over Marty.  That’s an order.  I’m sorry.” 

         I looked into his eyes.  I was angry at him for turning his back like this.  Nevertheless, I did understand his point of view.  I couldn’t tell him about the phone I had found on Darren, much less the phone calls he made beforehand to Jeni.  And, I sure as hell wasn’t going to give him the files I had on my father either. 

         “When you’re ready to come back in the field, Sam will be with you.  You’ll be partners once more, until the dusts settles from all this.”  Mitchell said.

         “I’ll see you at the funeral.”  He concluded.

              The church was warmly lit under the cloudy sky.  There was a single isle down the center and rows of benches filled with people on each side.  I sat in the front row just to the left of the center isle.  Next to me was Lara and then Sam.  Behind me sat most of the police officers and staff from our department.  The rest of the place was filled with faces I recognized, as well as some I didn’t.  Jeni’s parents would be here too if they were alive.  Jeni’s casket was positioned at center stage, in front of the altar, with many flowers resting on top, surrounded by four candles on pedestals.  The murmurs from the crowd began to grow quiet when a priest came out and stood in front of the podium. 

         “My friends, we are gathered together on this somber day to pay farewell to one of our own, Jeniveve Winter…”

         The priest’s words began to fade, as my mind became lost in surfacing memories of her.  I imagined that I was back at home resting in my bed on a warm Saturday morning.  Jeniveve was slowly waking next to me.  I would watch her for hours asleep.  She wouldn’t notice, and if she did, I would pretend I had just woke up myself.  She would move closer to me, putting her leg across mine.  She would kiss my cheek, say good morning, and then she would nestle her head on my chest just beneath my chin.  Sometimes I would tickle her and she’d laugh, begging me to stop.  Afterwards, she’d straddle me and we’d make love for what seemed like hours.

         I suddenly felt a nudge in the arm from Lara next to me.  I looked over and she was telling me with her eyes to go forward.  It was my turn to speak.  It was my turn to say goodbye to my wife.  I got up slowly.  I could feel the crowd’s eyes behind me following my every step.  I stood in front of the podium for a moment and looked up.  Everyone in the church was staring at me.  It was very unsettling.

         “I’d like to thank everyone for coming out here today.  It means a lot to me.  And to Jeni.  I’m reminded of one her favorite quotes by Alfred Souza.  He once told us to love as though we have never been hurt before and to live as though heaven is on earth.  I haven’t quite figured out how to do that because my heaven was taken from me.  The earth I see now is different and somehow colder.  The fire that kept me warm has gone out.”

         Just then, one of the back doors to the church opened and my father slowly walked in.  Most of the crowd didn’t notice.

         “But if Jeni were here today, she wouldn’t have said that.  She’d say that I was being negative or that I was focusing too much on the bad side of things.  Because that’s who she was…a person of optimism.  She’d say to worry about the things you can change, and how you alone can make a difference in your own life.  Jeni had an open heart to all those who surrounded her.  And she found hope for those who had lost it.  All of you showing up here today, is a reflection of that.”

         I looked down at her casket once more, and the tears began to surface again.  I fought hard to hold them back, but the crackling in my voice was giving me away.  It was useless to fight.  I looked at Sam and then Lara who both began to have watery eyes.  This of course made matters worse for me. 

         “A few days ago, I was involved in a bad car accident.  My left arm was broken, as were a few of my ribs.  One of lungs was punctured, and I was within an inch of losing my life.  A stranger came to my aid that night.  A woman.  She called for help and pulled me out of my wrecked car before it caught fire and exploded.  She waited with me until the paramedics got there.  This woman saved my life that night.  I’d like to believe that this is proof to me that Jeni would’ve wanted me to go on living.  I’d also like to think that she found a way to give me hope in one of my darkest hours, through a stranger I didn’t know.  I’m proud to say that this stranger is now a dear friend of mine named Lara.  She sits there in the front row, next to my partner Sam.”

         Lara looked up at me in tears, trying to put forth a thank you smile.  Sam put his arm around her, trying to comfort her. 

“Lara is proof to me that Jeni would’ve wanted me to go on.  To go on living as if she were walking in the steps beside me.  I’ll prefer to remember her, not by how she died, but by how she encouraged us all to live, in this place she thought of…as heaven.  Thank you.”

         I stepped away from the podium, and walked down to the casket.  I reached over and touched its cold surface and thought, ‘goodbye my love, and Godspeed.’  I walked back to my seat on the bench.  I could still feel the crowd’s eyes following me. Lara hugged me and Sam put his hand on my shoulder after I sat down. 

The ceremony ended a little while later.  We carried her casket out of the church and placed it into the hearse.  Afterwards, people began to make their way out of the church.  There was a long line of cars that followed us to the cemetery.  The headlights and orange flags seemed to go back for miles.  Upon arriving at the burial site, the priest said a few more words before everyone started to walk away quietly.  Sam, Lara and I were the last ones to leave.  We headed back to our car when I noticed my father standing next to it. 

“You did a good job at the church, son.”  He said.

“Thanks.”  I said.

Sam and Lara got into the car and closed the doors.  I stood outside of the car with my hands in pockets waiting for him to speak.

“Jeni was a great kid.”  He said, looking out over my shoulder at the casket.  “Everyone loved her.” 

“Not everyone.”  I said. 

My father’s eyes shifted back to me, as if he was surprised by what I had said.

“There’s something you’re not telling me Dad.  If I find out that you were involved in her death, so help me God…”  I stopped what I was saying.  There was no need for me to finish the sentence.  I opened the passenger-side door and put one foot inside the car.

“I would never hurt Jeni, Marty.  You know that.  I’m your father for Christ’s sake!” 

I turned back toward him.  He was glaring at me with serious eyes. 

“We’ll see, won’t we?”  I said.

“You should know too, that I’m going to your mother’s funeral in Chicago.  I leave later today.  You could come with me…”  He said. 

I hesitated for a moment looking at him.

“I told you once already.  As far as I’m concerned, my mother died fifteen years ago.”  I said, getting into the car.  “Drive safe.”  His face fell with disappointment as I closed the car door.

I felt guilty saying that to him.  But my anger had consumed me for far too long regarding the acts of my mother.  A part of me could understand his compassion for her.  After all, he was the one who married her.  There was still love there, even though her actions had driven them apart many years before. 

“Marty, I hope you don’t mind me asking…”  Lara started.  “But, I take it you’re not on good terms with your mother?”

“That’s right.  She was an alcoholic who left my father and I fifteen years ago.  I haven’t seen or heard from her since.  I had no idea where she was.  Apparently in the last week, she died.”  I said.

“And you’re not going to the funeral?”  She asked.

“Nope.” 

“Well, it must be hard for your father.  You don’t think you should be there for him at a time like this?” 

I saw Sam look over at me out of the corner of my eye.

“Not until I figure out the reasons behind Jeni’s death.”  I said.

Coming up next:  Chapter Six - What Tidings Ye Bring

Chapter Four - Death Before Guilt

I woke up 2 days later in the hospital.  My eye-lids felt heavy and the surrounding lights were blinding.  It felt like morning, although I’m sure it wasn’t.  My head still ached, but not terribly.  I could feel that there was a large bandage on my forehead.  I looked down at the rest of my body and noticed my left arm was in a cast from the forearm down.  Sam was in the corner of the room sound asleep in a chair.  It made me smile a little.  I could always count on him to be there in times like these. 

         I looked over at my side and noticed a small vase with flowers in it, resting on the nightstand.  The vase had a one-sided ‘get well’ card attached to it.  It read:

“See, I told you so.”  -Lara

         “Hey there chief!”  Sam said, getting up.

         “Hey.” 

         “Man, ‘bout time you woke up.  You gotta see this one nurse, she’s smok-“

         He stopped his sentence just when a really attractive nurse walked in.  Her blonde hair was pulled back, but yet had a few various strands dangling about, refusing to be held by the large clip in back.  I was pretty sure she had heard Sam’s comment. 

         “This one?”  I said to him, chuckling.

         “Yeah.”  He said, embarrassingly turning back towards his seat in the corner. 

         “Mr. Winter, glad to have you back.”  She said.

         “Didn’t know I was gone.”  I said.

         Sam opened the curtains allowing the afternoon sun to pour over the room. 

         “You’re a lucky man.  Someone’s watching over you.”  She said, feeling my wrist, checking my heart rate.  Shortly after, she checked my blood pressure.

         “The doctor will be with you shortly.  He’ll be able to answer any questions you might have.”  She said.

         “Thank you.”  I said.

         Sam then watched her walk out, mouthing the words ‘wow’.  I laughed.

         “What the hell happened man?”  Sam asked.

         “I remember getting a call from you.  On the way to your house, I came up over the hill and this deer was right in the middle of the road.  I swerved to miss her and-“

         All the thoughts of that night came rushing back.  I remember Lara pulling me out of the car and the explosion.  I remember the things I said to her, and I felt embarrassed.

         “Yeah, you hit a tree doing sixty man!  At least, that’s what I calculated from the marks on the pavement.”

         “Yeah, I remember.”  I said.

         “You’ve been out for two days.  I’ve been checking in on you when I can.”  He said.

         Two days had gone by.  But the pain from Jeniveve’s death came surfacing again, as if it had just happened.  The sadness was starting to overwhelm me again.

         “Good thing that lady found you man.  You might have died out there.”  He said.

“No.  I died three days ago Sam.  I feel like an empty shell just going through the motions.”  I said, looking out the window from my bed.

“I know man.  I’m sorry.  I loved Jeni too.”  He said. 

I looked back up at him and the tears became un-fightable.  He too had started to sniffle, but tried very hard to hide it. 

“She wouldn’t want us crying for her.”  He said, trying to fix his crackling voice.

“I know.”  I said, clearing my throat.

Jeniveve was one of the most positive people I had ever met.  No matter what had happened, instead of focusing on the negative, she’d dwell on positive solutions.  She was hardly ever angry, and when she was, it was justified towards a higher means.  All she ever wanted was to help people in any way she could.  The reward she got from that was knowing she made a difference through her efforts.  That was her purpose in life, she used to say, to help.  Maybe that was part of the reason for my rage and pain.  How could someone do that to her?  An angel.  My angel.  When angels are so rare to begin with. 

Sam walked up to my right side and picked up my hand.

“We’ll get through his man.  I promise.”  He said, with serious eyes. 

“We’ll find out who did this and why.  We’ll make them pay.”  He finished.

His words found their way to my stomach, where the anger and rage still sat stirring, like a pot of boiling water about to go over its rim.  But the words calmed the waters and the temperature began to cool slightly.  I believed him.  I had to.

“Would you two like to be alone for a little while?”  A female voice said from behind. 

Sam turned around dropping my hand.  It was Lara. 

“Hey!”  I said. 

I was happy to see her, yet embarrassed again at the same time, considering the last time I saw her.

Sam turned back towards me, again mouthing silent, the words ‘Oh my God.’

“I’ll give you two some time to catch up.”  He said, walking past Lara with a smile.  I couldn’t help but laugh at him. 

“You look better.”  She said, walking up to me. 

“Thanks.”  I said.

“Listen, I can’t thank you enough for what you did out there.”  I continued.

“It’s okay.  Really.  I’m just glad you pulled through.”  She said, with a sincere smile.

“And, thanks for the flowers.”  I said.

There was an awkward silence between us, as if she was going to say something else but held back.

“Do you mind if I sit down?”  She asked.

“Please.”

She walked over to the chair Sam was sitting in and pulled it up next to the left side of my bed.

“You know, you said some pretty scary things that night.”  She said, sitting down.

“I know.  I’m sorry.  I wasn’t exactly myself.”  I said.

“Are you sure?  You sounded pretty sincere to me.” 

I didn’t say anything.  I couldn’t.  I wasn’t ashamed of the words I had said that night.  But I was thankful to be alive.

“Tell me about your wife.”  She said.

“She was killed three nights ago.  I came home late.  Found a man in my house.  She was trying to fight him off.  I was able to pull him off of her, but it was too late.  She died a little while later.” 

“I am so sorry for your loss.”  She said, covering her mouth.

“Yeah.  Me too.”  I said.

She sat there next to me, with a reaching look on her face, as if she didn’t know what to say next. 

“What happened to the attacker?”  She asked.

“He’s dead.”  I said, looking forward and then down.

“I killed him.” 

Her look changed.  She no longer had the look of someone sympathetic.

“So, you shot him?  I mean, you’re a cop right?”  She asked.

“Yes.  I’m a cop.  But I didn’t shoot him.  I just kept…swinging.”  I said, looking down at both of my hand’s knuckles, which had since scabbed over.  She noticed the marks on my hands and looked back up at me.  A part of me was ashamed of my actions.  I thought that telling her this would change her opinion of me, and make her think of me as a killer.  But that wasn’t the truth.  I wasn’t a killer.  I was just an ordinary man who tried to protect his wife.

         Lara sat for a moment next to me in silence.  She stared at me, trying to read behind what my eyes were thinking.

         “You feel guilty don’t you?”  She asked.  Her words sounded more like a remark than a question.

         “Yeah.”  I said. 

         She looked down for a brief moment and then up at me. 

         “Can I tell you a story?”  She asked.

         “Sure, I’m not going any where.”  I said, trying to smile.

         “I joined the military with my best friend, Maya.  Her and I grew up together.  A few years later they shipped us to Afghanistan.  Our Marine company became stationed there.  Our orders were to go through certain neighborhoods in teams, look for Taliban fighters, arrest them, and if they resisted, well, you know the rest.  My team and I dispatched one afternoon, heavily armed.  We came upon a suspected home where a Taliban leader was allegedly hiding out.  We split up.  A few of us went to the rear of the house while the rest of us including myself, approached from the front.  Suddenly, the front door sprang open and we started taking fire.  Maya and I got low and fired back a few shots, hitting the shooter.  He fell in the doorway, dropping his gun next to him.  We waited a few minutes.  We thought it was over.  We got up off the ground and started walking toward the door, when a kid popped out and grabbed the gun.  He couldn’t have been no more than ten or twelve years old.  He fired rounds at Maya next to me, shouting, ‘You killed my Daddy!”  I dropped to the ground as I saw Maya’s body fall backward, firing my weapon at the kid.  It was a kill-shot.  I didn’t even think.  I just reacted.  It was instinct.  I can still see that child’s face today.  Those images will haunt me to the grave.  I glanced over at Maya afterward, but her body was lifeless.  Just as we had taken the child’s father from him, the child had taken my best friend from me.  Maya died on the way back to the barracks.  I was her commanding officer, and I couldn’t have protected her that day.”

         I was surprised, yet comforted by her story.  I had no idea she was a soldier, much less capable of such an act.  But it did explain her motivation toward getting me to safety that night. 

         “Why did you want to tell me something like that?”  I asked, politely.

         She hesitated, contemplating her response.

         “Aside from the grief from your wife, you feel like you can’t live inside yourself.  You feel alone and isolated.  I guess I just wanted you to know that I can relate.  And, that you’re not alone.  Some people can’t relate to us.  There’s a big difference between knowing and understanding.”

         “Yeah, I know what you mean.”  I said.

          I found an odd comfort in her words.  I was glad she had shared that with me.  A part of me was closer to her for doing so.  I felt welcomed into her life.  Never before had a woman I hardly knew had such an initial impact on me. 

         “Thank you.”  I said.

         She smiled back at me with her sympathetic eyes once more. 

        

         The doctor and Sam came in shortly thereafter. 

         “Mr. Winter.  I’m Dr. Mason.  How are you feeling?”  He asked, crossing his arms over his clipboard.  He stood before the foot of my bed.  He was very tall, and much older than I was.  His gray mustache and hair shined in the sunlight.  He spoke with a British accent.

         “I’ve been better.”  I said, sighing.

         “I’m sure you have.  Put simply Mr. Winter, you are very fortunate to be alive.  Your left lung was punctured and collapsed from a few of your broken ribs.  As you might have seen already, your left arm suffered a compound fracture as well.  You also have a concussion from when your head impacted the windshield.  I’m going to assume you weren’t wearing your safety belt.”  He said.

         I shook my head.

         “Had Miss Matthews not found you when she did, we might not be here having this conversation.”  He finished.

         “When can I expect to be on my feet again Doc?”  I asked.

         “Well, that depends on how you feel really.  Your arm will take five to six weeks to heal before you regain full-use of it.  As for your ribs, I’m going to put you on a weight restriction for the next two months.  I would advise against lifting anything heavier than fifteen pounds.  Your head should feel better in a day or two, and we can give you pain medication as needed.  I’d like to keep you here for a few days if you don’t mind. Just to keep an eye on things.”

         “I can handle anything you need Marty.”  Sam said. 

         “Same here.”  Lara said, looking back at me.

         “The nurses will be checking in on you from time to time, and I’ll stop in every now and again to see how you’re progressing.”

         “Thank you doctor.”  I said.

         “My pleasure.”

         The doctor then walked out and Sam and Lara’s attention turned to me.

         “You’ll be up around in no time.”  Sam said. 

         “Yeah, just in time for a funeral.”  I said.

         “Marty, we’ll help out in any we can, okay?”  Lara added.

         “Sam, does my father know I’m here?”  I asked.

         “Yes, he stopped in earlier today.  I’m assuming he’ll be back later, which reminds me…Lara would you mind if I spoke with Marty for a moment?”  Sam said.

         “No, not at all.  I have some things I need to take care of at home anyway.”

She turned to me and put her hand on my arm.

         “I’ll come see you later.”  She said.

         “Thank you, again, Lara.”  I said. 

         Lara smiled at me disappearing around the corner, while Sam went to sit in the chair next to me. 

         “I found out a few more things about your father and Turnovsky.  The afternoon before your accident, I went to the library and dug into the microfilms from back in ’92.”  He said.

         “What did you find?”  I asked.

         “Your father testified at Turnovsky’s trial.  According to the papers, he defended him rigorously to the end.”  Sam said quietly.

         “You’re damn right I did.”  A voice said from the doorway.  It was my father, Dayton Winter.  Sam looked over at me, surprised at his appearance, as well as his remark. 

         “Dad?”  I said.

         “How are you doing kid?”  He asked.  He looked tired and worn out.  He wore a brown leather coat and blue jeans.  His longer gray hair was in desperate need of grooming.  He reminded me of Sam Elliott. 

         “Doing okay, I guess.”  I said.

         “Martin, I’m so sorry about Jeniveve.  She was such a good person…to all of us.”

         “Yeah…thanks.”  I said.

         “Sammy, you mind if I talk to my son alone for a minute?”

         Sam looked at me for an approval to what he was requesting.

         “Dad, what you say to me, you can say in front of Sam.”  I said.

He hesitated briefly, while glancing at Sam.

         “Alright then.”  He said, clearing his throat. 

         “I know this isn’t the best time to tell you this Marty, but I thought you should know.” 

There was another pause.

“Your mother…she passed away last week…I’m sorry.”  He said. 

         Oddly enough, what he said didn’t change the way I was already feeling.  It was almost as if I had become numb.  

         “I think you’ve got a handle on this one Marty.  You don’t need me here for this.”  Sam said, walking out.

         “How did you find out?”  I asked.

         “Just some old friends.  Word gets around.”  He said.

         “What happened?”  I asked, not really wanting to know the truth.

         “Alcohol poisoning.”  He said, walking over to the chair. 

         “There’s a shocker.”  I said.

         My father sat down next to me slowly. 

         “Your mother was many things, but she was still your mother.”  He said, slightly raising his voice.  This was about where the argument would begin, as they had many times before.

         “She stopped being my mother when she left 15 years ago, without so much as a note or a phone call, Dad.”  I said.       

         “The fact remains.”  He said.

         “Yeah, it does.  She was a lying drunk who left us.  I won’t feel sorry for her.”  I said, wondering if what I said was going to enrage him further. 

         “You got a lot of hate in you right now, son.  I think perhaps it’d be better to continue this conversation when you’re not so self-indulged.”  He said, getting up to walk out. 

         I almost let him walk out scowling at him, but I didn’t.

         “Why did you defend Turnovsky?”  I asked.

         This question stopped him immediately, but he did not turn toward me.

         Instead he thought for a moment, looking forward.

         “Because it was the right thing to do.”  He said.

         “What really happened that night Dad?”  I asked.

         He turned toward me, noticing the look in my eyes was serious.

         “You read my report didn’t you?  The one you found in my safety deposit box?”

         My suspicions were correct.  It was his deposit box at Lloyd’s.  And the lady in purple couldn’t call me because I wound up here. 

         “Yeah, I did.”

         “Jeni told you didn’t she?”  He asked.

         “She didn’t tell me enough.”  I answered.

         “The report I wrote was the accurate one Marty.” 

“Why did you call my house the night she died then?  What did you say to her?”  I asked.

         “Nothing.  No one answered the phone.”  He said shrugging.

         “I was calling to tell you about your mother.”  He finished.

         “You came to the house the night she died Dad.  How did you know?”  I demanded.

         He hesitated never once looking away from me.

         “Look kid.  I tried calling you.  No one answered.  I realized it was something I should have told you in person anyway, so I decided to come over.  By the time I got there, forensics was tearing apart your house, and you had already been taken down for questioning.  End of story.”

         I sat there and thought for a moment.  He was standing there waiting, as if he was wondering if his last response would satisfy me. 

         “James Darren.”  I said.

         My father stood there glaring at me.  The mention of Darren’s name didn’t even draw a flinch.

         “He’s the man responsible Dad.  The man who killed Jeni.”  I said.

         “I know.”  He said, looking down.

         “But you should leave the past where it is, kid.  No matter what happens, it won’t do you any good in the long run.” 

         After that, he walked out.  I was sure he was lying about something.  He knew I would react exactly the way I did when he told me about my mother’s death.  That wasn’t the real reason he tried calling that night.  He would’ve rather told me over the phone and avoided a potential argument, than tell me in person.  We rarely talked about my mother.  And with good reason.  My father always seemed to be more sympathetic towards her than I was.  He had endured the arguments and sleepless nights with her, just as I had.  But the truth of the matter was that she was an alcoholic.  She didn’t care who she hurt, or about the things she would say.  Not even about the things she did.  I kept my head down through most of it, leaving my father in her path of self-destruction.  She died how she lived.  And lived how she died.  I can still remember the day she left.  Her and my father were screaming at each other.  He had begged her to enter a rehab program.  She refused, of course.  Her car was loaded already.  Its wheels squatted under the weight.  She drove away in fury, leaving devastation behind.  That was the last time I saw her alive. 

Coming up next:  Chapter Five - Aftershock